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crying.
theres been a lack of activity in this forum lately..
this forum was specificlaly created so that members can share their experiences and shed light to who they are, as individuals and real people, and not just strangers behind a computer screen who happen to bump into one another because of this site.. a place where people can get to know one another in a more intimate level.
i guess that hasnt been happening, so i will set presidence and start.. heres a brief journal entry of mine dated jan 19, 03.
before i begin, i brief background about myself.. i kept a journal ever since coming to america. i suppose i started it because i didnt know anyone here and needed an outlet to express and voice my opinions. but even after befriending many people, i found writing in my journal to be more comforting than sharing with others. i guess the journal has become some sort of a 'teddy bear figure' for me.. where i can openly share everything about myself without having to worry about being judged or laughed at. theres a lot more to why i keep a journal, but that isnt the purpose of this post.. maybe you'll be able to understand more about that aspect through my other entries that i might post up in the future. but anyways, heres the entry..
quote:
My parents lived in china as missionaries most of my high school years until recently. During that time my older brother and I lived by ourselves in America in a little studio. We had to adjust our lives drastically and life was pretty harsh for the first few months. Having to take on full adult responsibilities at such a young age, alongside that of a student, at times became overwhelming. I used to cry a lot that first month living on our own. But I always did so in the bathroom where I turned on the shower to muffle my cries from my brother.
Its funny, because when I was little, around 4, my mom told me a really sad story about little frogs that never listened to their mother, doing the opposite of whatever their mother instructed them to do. I was teary after she finished the story. But I became ashamed for crying and I turned to the wall and cried. After wiping my tears away, I turned back pretending nothing was wrong..
Crying makes me feel ashamed. Even writing this kind of makes me ashamed. But when I think about it, I cry alot. Crying helps me release all the scares and pains that I have. I cry spontaneously sometimes, because every time I cry, no matter how ashamed I feel about crying, afterwards, I feel lighter. Lifted. More carefree.
I cry for a lot of things. Sometimes I cry when I see victims of war. I mean most of the times. I hate it when people have to die. That also makes me cry. Or when I see little innocent babies suffering. It kills my heart and I start tearing. Like that picture of a big Chinese baby, crying alone infront of the ruins of a train station after the Japanese bombed Beijing. I saw that picture in the library during study hall last friday. I silently wept cursing the evil that man was capable of doing.
But after I cry. I feel good. That’s why I cry. Its the very least I can do, to feel their pain, as brief as it may be, sympathize, and cry. It’s strange, because to people I know, people that I ought to be more concerned than strangers in pictures, I rarely attach any real feelings..
the entry goes on, but i go out of focus and delve into another matter. so for now, this is it.
be nice people. like i said earlier, i dont particularly enjoy sharing about myself to friends, let alone strangers through the internet. but i hope many of you will now feel more comfortable to share a thing or two about yourselves, now that there is a presidence.
and when you reply, remember, i can strike people with lightening bolts from high above. maybe not in real life, but atleast in these forums.. no that was not a threat, im only joking. you may say anything you want.
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01-24-2003 07:28 AM
but I can relate to what you are saying. 
although i think their a good idea..a good thing to get all ur feelings out in....the other day in school i just wanted to start crying for some reason...i think i was sad about my friend hes got me on "an emotional rollercoaster???" haha i dont kno ne other way to put it~and when i think about all the stuff he says..it makes me so sad and i want to cry...but i held my cryin back cuz everyone would be like whats wrong?!?! and id get all mad...grr now im all sad again lol haha i dont kno wat im sayin nemore so ill stop...
