depression is taking over. its not one of those sad for a moment instances where u cry for a day or a type of episode similar to that. i am facing constant depression.
im finding the only way to escape this pit is to alter my state of mind. it is when im with my peers that i feel comfortable. my peak moment of happiness is when i speed around in areas not known to us searching the oblivion for a story to tell our friends. the feelings of sorrow melt as we whip around corners, and for that moment, i feel accepted. the blaring music around me sooths my senses while the alchahol inside of me numbs the pain of being alone.
school is not important. there is a complete loss of need for further education in my mind. i am constantly told that i must not develop shallow ideals but i feel that those are what im lacking.
i need a companion, someone to comfort me and help me through those problems that i cannot face on my own. i cannot sleep, i cannot find ways to pass the time i cannot view my situation in a positive light.
is this a midlife crisis? or is it what is known as adolescense.

-- i dont really know why i posted this. its just a short reflection i made. dont think im crazy or anything im not as depressed as i sound. i just took some emotions i felt and just let them come out. i didnt spend a lot of time on this but it came straight from my heart at a time when things arent going all that well for me. post any questions or comments you have about this. if you want you can critique this, but i wrote it mainly for the purpose of allowing others to understand how i currently feel.

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pretty good kev pretty good, you can really express how u feel through words, not so common u know...

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ahah i posted this like a month ago. im happy someone responded.

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Hey, I can relate. Can't tell you how many times those same thoughts have filled my mind and my journals. I find writing what I'm feeling/thinking sort of theraputic, it gets things out, down and maybe somewhere in there a release of the headache. Sometimes posting here even helps me too. I'm in constant search of companionship. Don't get me wrong I have friends, it just even so, inside of it all I always feel alone on more than one plane. an eternal lonliness or growing up? If you ever feel like talking AIM me [ArianaO85] (copy paste it). Keep on posting, I really like your natural writing style.

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"Never be bullied into silence. ever allow yourself to be ade a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, define it yourself." Harvey Fierstein

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