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god looks out for us
what a great testimony to faith. all i can is, this is truly a miracle. i'm not gonna say this is something remarkable and should be world-renowned or anything, but these events have definitely helped strengthen my faith.
as most of you have probably realized, God answers our prayers in ways we might not expect. once, five or six years ago when beanie babies were still popular, my entire family was in line for a raffle to buy Princess and Erin for $50. at the time, my sister and i didn't have a single bear and we desperate wanted one to add to our collection. so, while we stood in line for two hours, we kept praying and praying for a bear. i beleive my exact thoughts were, "God, please give us a bear." imagine my disappointment when the end of the raffle came and we hadn't been chosen. I was on the verge of tears, but we passed through the store anyway to look around. and, lo and behold! - there was Curly, an adorable little bear for only $11!! we bought him of course, and i realized that my prayers had been answered - just not exactly as i had imagined. after all, i had been wanting a bear with either Princess or Erin in mind; but i was equally satisfied with Curly.
a couple of weeks ago, i took my driver's test for the first time. i was extremely nervous and was prepared to fail. in fact, i was almost 100% sure i would fail, because i couldn't (and still can't) pull over to the curb or park for beans. and, when i saw my driving evaluator come towards me, i almost fainted - it was the dreaded indian woman!! several friends had told me she was the hardest one at the DMV and had failed almost every single one of the people she had judged. so, i steeled myself for failure and drove away. throughout the entire test, i kept repeating Hail Mary to myself over and over again. miraculously enough, we didn't do any 3 point turns; we didn't do any u turns; we didn't do any turnabouts; we didn't even go over a tricky intersection that is always guaranteed to be on the test. so, i passed.
my school has a student-run newspaper. the current staff picks the staff that is to replace them next year, and being a part of journalism is something i've always wanted to do. i've wanted to be a part of this newspaper ever since i was a freshman. however, when it came time to apply, my interview went horribly. they asked me the most fundamental interview questions and i didn't know how to respond to them. i cursed myself for my incompetence and was therefore wasn't very surprised when i saw the list didn't have my name. i knew i could write, because my english teacher of freshman year, who is the adviser for this organization, even expected me to be a part of journalism. there was nothing i could do to become a part of this, no matter how badly i wanted it. but a few days ago, the adviser came up to me and asked me if i still wanted to be a part of the team. i couldn't believe my ears. my chance was open right before my eyes! i don't know how often he made exceptions like this, since it is a student-run organization, but i thanked God that he gave me another chance to do something i love.
Just this last Saturday, i went to take my piano evaluation. i was testing for level 12, the final level in the MTNA organization (i hav no idea what it stands for or if it's just CA or national). i had been wanting to quit playing the piano for the last six years, but my parents (esp my mom) kept pushing me to finish all the levels. so this year, i pushed myself and practiced like i had never practiced before so i could pass and be done with piano forever. the big day rolled around, i was feeling fairly confident that i would walk away knowing i would never have to play another fugue, waltz, or sonata in my life unless i wanted to. but, i had underestimated my worst quality again - my nervousness. i can't help it. every time i have to perform or go before people, whether it's playing the piano, singing, dancing, speaking, or acting, i get insanely nervous and my heart starts beating at 100 mph. i dunno if it's just me, or if other people feel the same - but you'd think that after 9 yrs of playing the piano and 7 speech and debate tournaments, i'd get used to performing for people. well, nope. i was as nervous as ever, esp since the pressure to pass was on. anyway, i played the first piece fine, but when it came to the beethoven sonata - blast it!!! i blanked out entirely and my kind evaluator let me see my book so i could continue. that ruined me. for my third and last piece, i was so badly shaken i messed up again and knew it was over. i walked away from the room trying not to cry because there was still one part of the test - the hearing test. this was by far the most difficult part, but i was in such a crappy mood that i wrote down random things and got out of there as fast as i could. as soon as i was out of the building, i broke down crying and confessed to my parents that all the long months of preparation and practice had been for nothing. the knowledge of failing wasn't what made me cry so hard - it was the realization that i would have to continue playing for another long year to pass and finish off the horrid thing. my hatred for piano grew with each minute it took to get home. my parents were somewhat sympathetic, and were finally beginning to realize that i hated this and were even thinking about letting me stop even though i hadn't finished. that was fine by me. my teacher called and asked how i had done, and i told her exactly what i had done; she said it was all right and that i still had another year. i felt my heart sink at that. but today - miracle of miracles! my teacher called me to tell me that i had passed! i had passed the 12th level, which meant i was done!!! i was ecstatic and again, i have God to thank for letting me stop doing what i hated. if i hadn't passed, im sure my parents would probably have kept pressuring me to continue for another year, or until i passed.
i don't think God always answers our prayers for our own personal benefit, though. i believe he has everything planned out, but some people do things that they weren't meatn to do - like committing suicide. in my opinion, that is a very serious sin and is definitely not something god is happy about. answering our prayers could just a be a little thing on the side that may or may not contribute to his plan, but makes us happy.
but, sometimes our most pleading prayers go unanswered. last month, during my friend's brief hospital, everyone at my church prayed as hard as they could for god to leave her on earth for us. but, god couldn't do that and so even though it probably pained him to do so, he took her away from us. i wasn't angry with Him for not answering our prayers to leave her, because i realize He knows what He is doing and everything is according to what He has in mind.
from sharing all of this, i hope all of you can gain some insight or a new perspective on your faith. i don't proclaim myself an expert or very knowledgeable in Christianity or Catholocism; all i can say is that i believe in what He is doing.
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05-16-2003 05:44 AM
you inspire me and help me regain my faith in the Lord Himself. May God bless you 
