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ten best sexual positions
another joke my cousin sent me...
TOP 10 SEX POSITIONS...
1.The Tea bagging - The all time classic maneuver of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is sucking on your balls, & uttering the timeless phrase- "Who's Your daddy?"
2.The Houdini - Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out & spit on her back so she thinks that you have. When she turns around a blast is unleashed into her face & she is left shocked & amazed, wondering how you managed it.
3.The Angry Dragon - Immediately after you blow your load in agirl's mouth, smack the back of her head & make it come out her nose. When she gets up, she'll look like an angry dragon.
4.Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch - The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat & then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favorite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back & forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
5.Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggy-style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out & wipe it across her upper lip, leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
6.The Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style & then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass & then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis & give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
7.The Flaming Amazon - This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out & quickly grab the nearest lighter & set her pubes on fire, then extinguish the flames with your jizz!
8.The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back & you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward & prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms & let out a long shrieking howl, much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.
9.The Screwnicorn - When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead & proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
10.The Zombie Mask - While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, & moaning like the walking dead.
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Recongizable
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07-14-2002 02:35 AM
:omg: 
??????
wait till a girl pulls a trick on you.... muhahah
