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Jusunlee.com Forums > Relationships > Friends and Family > Why do Asian fathers show no affection?
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MiGhTy KiTTy
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Registered: Aug 2002
Location: So.PaS
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i dont even see my dad..well i do, but i dont say much just like hi or something.

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Old Post 09-01-2002 07:02 AM
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daNNy LuV 1TYM
. : c r y : .

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: california
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i consider maiself very lucky to hav a dad thaz so loving and open w his feelings. he's a great man. i luv him and respect him very much. he duzn't say "i luv u" and he duzn't hug mai sister and me very much but i dun mind cuz he's a guy and he prolly feels kinda mushy doin that stuff (mai mom duz that a lot so it makes up for it ^^). i NOE he luvs me and it's cool. alotta mai frenz all hav that remote, azn dad that duzn't do nething but eat and work. it's like they dun even acknowledge the fact that they hav kids. eesh

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Old Post 09-02-2002 04:01 AM
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junjinluber33
Senior Member

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: cali
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man... my dad shows some... a LIL

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Old Post 09-02-2002 06:27 AM
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TyGer STyLe
no longer a couch jockey

Registered: Aug 2002
Location: Cerritos CA
Posts: 1225
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my dads an ass... i know im gonna get bombed on by saying this but i really don't like my dad... he was never there for me as a kid... so i just tune him out now... i mean i guess i got used to living with out him around so i never rely on him... my brother taught me most everything i know about life, NOT my father... i really have a deep seeded agression toward my dad... i remember when i was a kid he would come home drunk and shout at me for no reason at all, so i learned to live my life without him... he's there and all but hes just another person to me, not a father figure... he showed me no affection at all when i was a kid... he would either be working, or come home late drunk... even though he has cleaned up his act, ive already shut him out my life... he shouts and me and all and disciplines me when i do stupid shit, but i never really take him seriously... thats y im so envious when i see someone have a great relationship with their father...

STILL! i would never trade all that i have with my brother for a second chance to make things better between my father...

thats y i say this... if you ever have a kid, be there for him, show him you care when he's young, they'll appreciate you much more later on in life... you don't want some kind of dysfunctional relationship like mine

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Last edited by TyGer STyLe on 09-03-2002 at 08:39 AM

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Old Post 09-03-2002 08:37 AM
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LiL_HyeSung
AnNa [s2] Hi3n

Registered: May 2002
Location: In Hien's Armz
Posts: 158
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my dad never shows affection
and he yell and yells...fkn piss me off
but i think the reson why he yells is coz that he cares so much 4 me ... that way yelling is the only way that lets me know that he cares 4 me

he fkn tells me off 4 talking to guyz on da fone...>.<
and says having boyz as friendz is like...illegal or something

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Old Post 09-04-2002 09:38 AM
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Jj2
JSL Member

Registered: May 2002
Location: australia
Posts: 970
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erm...no comment

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Old Post 09-04-2002 09:58 AM
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kiggaplease
Senior Member

Registered: Jun 2002
Location: land of the free
Posts: 827
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My dad tells me he loves me!

But he doesn't apologize for spanking me... lol

Yep, I was one misbehaving mofo

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Old Post 09-04-2002 01:16 PM
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EvaX
Gringo Noche

Registered: May 2002
Location: The Great Northwest
Posts: 51
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i'm gonna tell you guys something really personal so here it goes...

my dad was never aorund much during my childhood, he's an importer/exporter so he was always off in other countries doing business and such, but when he got home he was always so angry and bossy to both myself and the rest of my family...i think of him as a lazy hard worker, he works hard for his company, but i'm not sure how much likes to work for the family.. he would always scold my mother for going out to help my sister and I yelling at her and saying "You like to just go out and have fun right?" my Mother being the person she is never spoke back very much and just lived a solemn life. I started penting up anger against my Dad, as alot of you know, physical punishment comes alot with a Korean dad, and my Dad wasn't too physical, but when he got REALLY mad he would get very violent with me...it wasn't until i turned 17 that I really grew balls and talked back and fought back, some of you may say "respect elders" but I knew that it wasn't right when I got hit or punched for something as little as tell him to "Go do it yourself"....I fought with my Dad, i actually threw a punch and just defended myself when he came at me...I don't know if what I did was the right thing even now, My Dad and I will never have a close relationship because I have lost alot of respect from him...a person who hits or even touches his child in a way that is WITHOUT love is wrong...because Love DOESN'T HURT physcially...it never should and there is no justification to this...I look back and never want to be like my Dad and I know that sometimes I show the same temper he has, but I try to better myself everyday...

Today my Dad is still the same angry person that needs to grow up, I'm still learning about life and growing up too, but I don't think anyone deserves to be beat for anything. Life's experiences and mess-ups should not come with the consequences of a stick for things that require that usually already comes with some punishment.... So think about what you do and I regret at times for fighting back, but most of the time, I think what I did was right, cuz it was hurting me to be oppressed in that fashion.

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Old Post 09-07-2002 11:46 PM
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daNNy LuV 1TYM
. : c r y : .

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: california
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wow...thaz realli personal and i totally respect u for defending urself like that. i think thaz the rite thing, cuz it definitely isn't the rite thing to just stand there and take it

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Old Post 09-08-2002 05:26 AM
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angelicxshield
Fobulous

Registered: Aug 2002
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quote:
Originally posted by saranghae


actually... i don't think any asian father says it.



so true so true :huh:

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Old Post 09-11-2002 03:40 AM
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TyGer STyLe
no longer a couch jockey

Registered: Aug 2002
Location: Cerritos CA
Posts: 1225
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evax i know exactly how you feel...

i too went through the same thing, if you read my post before this one im sure you know how i feel... its tough... i really lost my respect for my father... his prescence just wasn't there when i was a kid... he was too lazy to take me out to the park and have some father son fun, too stingy to let me have a quarter to buy some gum, too demanding when it came to the things HE cared about... i really have a deep anger toward my dad, he was never there, so i just grew up from my brother's lessons... ive been hit a great many times by my dad, but never beaten... with every slap, hit, kick i just grew farther from my dad, i just don't listen to him anymore... we really have a rocky relationship, but one thing i know, i will never neglect my children like he did to me... it makes me angry to think that he cares for me, because he's never shown it in any way at all... its like faith, faith without works is dead, thats what my father is to me

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Old Post 09-12-2002 02:09 AM
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Drunken Master
Umm... Yeah...

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: Richmond, B.C.
Posts: 273
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whoa... i guess my dad's kinda different...

I remember him saying the "l" word (in Korean) to us to cheer us up and lecture us after we got in trouble when we were little. It was one of those, we punish because we love you type things.. i didn't understand it then... but i do now...

he says it to my little sister now and then. she even jumps on him to give him a hug too. hehe...

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Old Post 09-14-2002 06:00 AM
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rhymester*
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Registered: Sep 2002
Location: Ikebukuro
Posts: 2097
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quote:
Originally posted by EvaX

...a person who hits or even touches his child in a way that is WITHOUT love is wrong...because Love DOESN'T HURT physcially...it never should and there is no justification to this...


ok lemme share my story..

my dad used to beat my mom up and my older sisters ..and my mom pretty much lost it after a few years and left his sorry ass when i was 12. lucky for me i'm the youngest so i didn't endure much torture from him...but as for my mom and older sisters...he used to like smash my mom's head against the wall and stuff. yea that bad..
:sad:
and as for my sisters, he would come back drunk at 4am on a school day and wake them up to do maths or something. and if they can't recite the 2 timestable in like 10 seconds he would whack them up. and one of my sisters would always try to fight back but its like no use cos he's like really strong [army man].
nowadays we just avoid him...he can't drink cos he got diabetes [you get wat you give!] and he didn't pay child support over the years. all he ever did was put us down..its like wassup with that? aren't we suppose to be your family? how come he hates his own family? and yet he says, 'i love you you know!! i'm your father! don't forget that! nobody else loves you like your father!!'. oh the bitter irony..

how come fathers become like that? and so many cases..i don't get it. is it alcohol? ego problem? mental problem?

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Old Post 09-14-2002 08:15 PM
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jini
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Registered: Jul 2002
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i'm still wondering.

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Old Post 09-15-2002 12:51 AM
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babeegurl369
<3

Registered: Jul 2002
Location: rii here
Posts: 239
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my dad is never home cuz he works in asia
so he substitutes his affection by buying me stuff

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creditz to lilxzzanga ^_^

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Old Post 09-18-2002 03:11 AM
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daNNy LuV 1TYM
. : c r y : .

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: california
Posts: 3376
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quote:
Originally posted by rhymester*

how come fathers become like that? and so many cases..i don't get it. is it alcohol? ego problem? mental problem?


maib it's all of them :sad:

but if u think about it....at least most pplz (MOST but not all) still hav at least one parent, and usualli thaz the mom. it seems that MOST pplz luv their moms more and w/ good reason; look at the kinds of things dads do. and mai own dad sed this: pplz are USUALLI (not alwaize) closer to their mom cuz she bore them and gave birth to them and everything. so...i feel bad for pplz w abusive mothers (like eminem) cuz thaz the one that hurts the most :sad:

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Old Post 09-19-2002 12:36 AM
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ibabiExbOrai
[ .b e b e d o r qx. ]

Registered: May 2002
Location: up in NJ
Posts: 721
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trOo...i guess i grew up being closa to mah mom....cuhz mah dad alwayz at werk and awlz...he doesnt seem to show alotta emotion.....except wen hez madd :T ...buht..hittingg iss wrong...wat they do can be engraved wid u forever >_<

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Old Post 09-21-2002 09:21 PM
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