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[Julie] February
I’ve realized many things just now that I never really took into consideration before. From personal to social, and even intellectual issues. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I wander to another topic so soon that I can never come to a satisfactory conclusion. Ironic as it sounds, my mind thinks about issues before I can think.
During the beginning of this month, I kept telling myself that I was 16. Sure, I’m still young and I have a lot ahead of me, but I feel old. Come on, I’m 16. 4 more years and I’ll be 20... then 30, 40, 50... and I’m scared to think of after that. Yet, what have I done that’s beneficial not to just me, but also someone else? I feel as if all the years I have been living I have not yet set a purpose. I want to do something great to make up for my 16 years of living without a satisfactory accomplishment. How the hands move so fast... All this age “stuff”scares the shit out of me. Not wholly based on growing old, but also my future and most of all... death. I don’t even want to think about death but it crosses my mind every so often. I have no intentions to elaborate anymore for I have chills running down my spine.
All this leads to my next topic that I talked to my daddy about. Career choices. When I was younger, I always said I wanted to be either a doctor or lawyer. Naive as I was, my career choices based itself upon the possession of money. But as I grew, I was told that I should do something that interests me and something I can do for the rest of my life. Even from all that I comprehended, I still wanted to be a doctor. All through middle school and my freshman year. But during the beginning of this school year (sophomore year), I began to realize that perhaps the medical field is not suited for me. Who knows why I’ve all of a sudden changed my mind—I’m clueless myself. Perhaps it’s because I’ve taken interest in other subjects. I’ve considered many other opportunities, such as, a teacher because I love educating and helping people. I’ve even considered becoming a court attorney because I’m fond of government, civics, affairs, and cases. The bottom line is, I love a variety of subjects extending from metals, technology, music and art to history, mathematics, and language, to sports and outdoor recreation. Without intentions of boasting, I’m good at everything I do or try—excluding basketball! How can one base its future on choosing only one career when one loves and is good at most everything one does?
As I stated earlier, I had talked to my daddy about choosing a career. Graduation is nearing faster than I can organize my future plans of attending a university, yet, what I want to be. I bluntly told him that maybe I want to be an attorney. He seemed a little disturbed and forbidding of my choice of a career. He talked to me about my choices and said that maybe I should go into the medical field instead. He didn’t say that I had to but he suggested it. He also told me that becoming an attorney takes great intellect and deep analyzing. I agreed. But, the one thing that will stick with me forever is when he said that I can achieve anything because I am an intelligent girl who gets good grades and tries my best in everything I do... So whatever I want to be, I can achieve. Along with that, he said that he has high expectations for me because I do so well and he knows that I will have a good future. Heh, my daddy makes me proud!^^ It made me feel a lot better. We elaborated some more on the subject and I still have yet to come to a final career choice. If I had to choose a career and I could really accomplish it, my #1 career choice would be to become a star!
Yes, most of all, I want to be a worldwide known singer! Not because of money, wealth, fans, or any other reasons, but of one... just. because. I. love. to. sing. I come from two families that have always had a natural talent of singing and dancing. I received the dancing heritage from my mommy’s side and singing from my daddy’s side. My mommy and her relatives used to always compete at dancing competitions and always placed in the top three. As far as I can remember, I’ve always seen and heard my daddy sing. I remember watching my daddy’s old homemade music videos, listening to his bands play at parties with him as lead singer, watch him play the piano and record his songs, and see his cassettes being sold at stores and special events. I believe I have it in me. My daddy and relatives always tell me that I used to entertain them when I was younger because I used to always sing to karaoke videos and dance. I’ve put myself into music classes to help me build my voice. I’ve never taken voice lessons, just six years of choir classes and I believe I have the voice. So what’s holding me back from living my dream? Many things are prohibiting me from living my dream. Race and looks are my major obstacles. How can I make it when I live in a white dominated country? Let’s be serious here, if I was to make it big, I’d be a one hit wonder, no doubt. That’s why I’ve set other career choices and plan to live my second dreams instead. Who knows, maybe you’ll see me on “American Idol?
I had a dream the other day. It included me and my family. So many vivid things happened during my dream but I can’t remember the details except some major things that I saw in my dream. It all started out as a small bomb that looked like a little toy shuttle falling into the front lawn of my aunt’s house. I stood by my aunt’s front door with my two relatives wondering if it was going to explode. It exploded, yet, no one was injured. More and more of the same shuttle toy looking bombs fell to the Earth near my aunt’s house and every couple seconds during its landing, it would explode. People started dying and someone had told me that if I didn’t want to die I had to run around. Everyone went for shelter in a brown building with many levels and a huge stairway in the middle of the building. I was looking for my family because they had already heard and everyone was waiting for me. When I finally reached them, everyone left because the building was falling apart. All of a sudden, I was in the woods with thick tall grass and trees in every which direction. I was dressed in old Japanese clothes and supposedly I was hiding from white soldiers. My family had sought safety and found a great hiding place in the woods. There was a huge tree trunk that my family hid under. Inside the tree trunk was a tunnel leading to the ground and that’s where everyone hid (if you’ve seen “Gangs of New York?it was kinda like the area that Leo went into when he was injured). So we hid and my dad came back in samurai clothing. As weird as it sounds, we were fighting against the US, except we were fighting like in those old Japanese movies where swords and other weapons were used. Later, we were caught and sent to a reservation camp, if you would call it that, and we had to do work for the white men. The same day I reached the reservation camp, soldiers were shooting those in the reservations?arms. My aunt went first and the soldier shot her. Then my turn came, I went up and he forced me to say something. I said it because I was scared and he shot me in the arm. When I looked at my arm, there was no blood but a small hole about the size of a pea. I woke up. I might’ve not been able to make it sound scary but when I dreamed it, it was extremely scary. So...
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03-05-2003 12:12 AM
