also how can i organize it?? im really bad at this..btw this is a college essay for english 101 which is like a basic english class.sorrie buh this is in outline form cause my unni made me it this way since i had trouble organizing it. i dunno if this is enough cause it has to be 3 pages doublespaced.




I. Difficulties in being a Korean-American (thesis/introduction paragraph)
There's alot of difficulties in being a Korean American especially for me because my father's job as a master seargeant related working inside theYongsan Military base so I had more interaction going on inside the base and less outside.

2. Being caught between two worlds:whenever, I would go off the base , there would be a strange feeling which would make me feel like some kind of alien. It was like almost being in two different countries at the same time, which felt really awkward and weird.







a. The society within base and the whole Korean culture/environment outside:At first when i met random korean people,they seemed so kind,warmhearted,trustworthy and reliable.It was almost like meeting a fortune teller that could see all the unseen things , as if these people knew and understood everything that was going on my life, but then after meeting them a couple times, I slowly began to see alot of hidden characteristics rising out of their bodies.It was shocking and regrettable almost every korean that I'd meet, found the pleasure of belittling,embarassing,harassing me when my korean was spoken poorly with a non korean pronounciation that was difficult to comprehend too.As a simple person who wanted
things easy and preferably done fast, things did not
turn out the way I had want.It's kind of like having
that feeling when you don't want or expect something
to happen and it does. Then the very next
thing you know, the opposites making both sides of my
head explode. These were things that
people would laugh at because they were already
accustomed to it. For instance, people would stare at
you for what seemed to be an eternity if you were
speaking English in a loud monotone voice. Careless
people would purposely bump into you without even
apologizing. Old Korean ladies saying negative flaws
about appearance that's already noticeable.
Not only were all these things shocking but sometimes fobs would brainwash and clone me by making me act,speak,look exactly like them.Sometimes i felt as if I was a plastic doll being ordered around.So after realizing this manipulative behavior,which was frustrating and annoying I ended all relationships with Koreans and met with whitewashed koreans that were more of my kind.Living life, as a two-faced personality person was beyond
drama for me. In my neighborhood and home I was known
as the fobbish Korean-American while all the fobs put
an invisible sticky tape on the back of my shirt
labeled "whitewashed".
b. Two attitudes to fit in with: 1)A whitewashed korean that has a apathetic,carefee attitude ligering around them and speaks no word of korean but only english.A fob that hardly knows a word of english and that does weird things that seem crazy,dumb or stupid.stereotypes preset by other Koreans for who I am and/or should be and 2) Trying to be comfortable in my own setting (e.g. speaking English in common Korean environments, appearing to be more Americanized than whats considered normal.)



B. Finding and Expressing Myself

a. Changing my outward appearance in rebellion was as easy as snapping my fingers.I simply decided to tear off the ugly mask that was buried underneath my skin. As
for the nerdy image that included such as: bushy dark
charcoal eyebrows was shaven off to be incredibly thin
nearly the size of a yarn which would end up looking
like a seagull when both sides were drawn in and not
only that but the lovely chestnut brown hair was
painted entirely blonde to finish it off with white
blonde highlights and the vulnerable puppy eyes were
replaced with shiny turquoise colored lenses that gave
off a scary evil look when glancing upon the
mirror every now and then.





b. Behaving inconsiderately to my parents as a way to release frustration was a blocked passage way in my life.As a simple person who wanted
things easy and preferably done fast, things did not
turn out the way I had want.I began to start everything in the most negative way such as paying less attention to my dull schoolwork ,ignoring daily household chores. Grades were least important to me
at this time, but death strikingly valuable to my
parents who expected it to be at least minimum passing
grade. Two days later my parents had received a progress report card sent home from school,My failing grades were the center of my
parents' attention. After this incident had happened daily
complaining from mom about not doing a certain
particular house chore, lack of effort put in
schoolwork, and disrespecting elders was just being
shoved relentlessly into both eardrums attacking it. I
was finally growing sick and annoyed of everything
that the fact everything had a rule, and if it wasn't
followed eternal lecturing from my parents would
torture me . Like a half beaten pancake my heart
had made the most ruthless decision in history, it was
the process of becoming a corrupted gangster girl.




C. Finding Comfort and Peace

a. Being apathetic:I first realized that my hatred towards Korea was during my
junior year. Yes, I'm aware that hate is a very strong
word, but at the age of 16, I was a rebellious teenage
girl that got sick and tired of meeting expectations
and levels to nearly every Korean that seemed so
stereotypical, hypocritical, and bigoted.Eventually while time passed by i got tired of finding solutions to futile problems like dealing with fobs(Fresh of the boaters) ,passing classes, and doing aggrevating daily household chores.When these
stuff would happen to me about 5 times straight in a
row, I'd act negatively and
apathetically towards every little thing.
This was when i decided to take the easy road in life and started going off the road to trouble by doing negative things like being and online addict and raving which was becoming a lovely new passion that impacted and effected my school grades.



. Realizing that I am growing and learning each day

c. Being at peace with myself so that I may change what I can but also accept the situations I cannot change.At the
outside, it didn't really matter to me, but in the
inside it hurt so much that life couldn't be
manageable to me anymore.Suicidal contempts and escaping from problems were everyday thoughts that rose into my head.After realizing that this was the wrong way into life i began attending church every sunday begging god to forgive and heal me.However,for a while doing this by myself didn't work as easily as i percieved it would so I informed my cell group teacher about my troubled situation and told her that a prayer request from me was desparately needed .At first ,she told me that she knew that i was troubled by the look on my face so a heartaching confession that didn't want to be told about this destruction was done. After
hearing my story, she prayed for me and told me a
Korean quote, "Live by the rules in Roman." In
English, this means, "Wherever you go, you must follow
by the rules and learn to live and survive there.At first, I had no idea what that meant, but after
thinking about my reflection towards life my past
behavior had finally changed.I realized that my mind was momentarily perplexed by delirous hardship and times that had entered at the wrong time.Finally, my heart had opened up and told me that I was the one hurting myself,not the koreans around me, they were only people that were a bit different and had wanted me to meet along with their weird and awkward lifestyle that foreigners seemed to take things granted for. After this thought i had found the serenity to accept things that I could and couldn't
do.This quote has really influenced and changed
things that were once blind and intolerable to me.

__________________
mai bABeZ bi hwEE sung~!!

BoA Can sing~!! neul is Tha jjang!!!

looks may be deCieVing*

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was this due already or would you still like editing on it?

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