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Dirty Jokes
Anthony and Kathy were out in the cornfield happily fucking away. It had rained that morning and there was lots of mud on the ground, and they found themselves sliding around a bit in the mud.
"Honey, is my cock inside you or in the mud?" Anthony asked.
Kathy felt around and exclaimed, "It's in the mud!"
"Well, put it back inside you," he said.
A couple of minutes later, Anthony again asked, "Honey, is it inside you or in the mud?"
"It's inside me this time," Kathy cooed happily.
"Well, would you mind putting it back in the mud?"
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A woman is drying herself after a shower when she suddenly slips and lands spread-eagled on the bathroom floor. She tries to stand up but she has landed so hard her pussy has stuck to the floor, creating such a vacuum that she can't move.
She calls out to her husband for help. He tries with all his strength to lift her but she won't budge.
"Why don't we just get a hammer and break the tiles around me and lift me up that way?" she asks.
"Great idea," says the husband, "but just let me rub your tits a little."
"Why?" asks the confused housewife.
"So I can slide you into the kitchen. The tiles are cheaper in there."
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CHINESE PROVERBS
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did.
He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
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A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."
"Yeah what happened?" asked his friend.
The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
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A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun.
Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.
The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not supposed to be having sex on a public highway?" he asked the couple.
Being embarrassed by being caught, they said yes and apologized.
"Well," he said, "I will have to write you a ticket."
So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for.
He responded, "doing 69 in a 35 mph zone!"
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04-24-2002 03:24 AM
