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Chinese Swordfighting Shows
Things You Would Never Know Without Chinese Swordsman Movies
1. Being the hero's parents will always be unlucky and will usually be killed by enemies when the hero is young, and the hero will become an orphan.
2. A martial-arts old master will make the poor orphan his disciple...but instead of learning martial arts, the poor orphan gets bullied by his seniors and ordered to cook or chop wood.
3. The hero will find ways to learn martial-arts by peeping at his senior's martial-arts training.
4. The hero is a weakling at the beginning but will learn an ultimate fighting skill in a mysterious place which allows him to become a skillful fighter.
5. The hero gets to show off his skills to fight a villain during a world-pugilist gathering, and with his fighting skills, he will astonish the pugilistic world.
6. When a man is wounded and dying, he always manages to catch his breath and speak a few sentences to reveal the killer before dying
7. When an old man is dying after being attacked by villains, while lying down he will ask the hero (kneeling beside him) to take care of his beautiful daughter (who will be crying).
8. No matter how powerful the hero is, he will never realise his good-buddy is actually a girl in cross-dressing ...... On one occassion, the hero will accidentally touch his good buddy's breast and wonder why it's so soft............. Until one day during a fight, his good buddy's hair band is cut loose and her beautful long hair flies loose in the wind.........Only then the hero will realize that his buddy is actually a very beautiful girl.
9. When fighting with the enemy, instead of hitting each other, the villain and the hero will choose to hit each other's palm and stone there for sometime before pushing each other away.....and one of them will spill blood out of his mouth.
10. Skilled people are able to fly over roof tops, up trees and across distances without any sweat. But when travelling to towns and villages, they still have to walk or ride horses.
11. When saying goodbye to other skilled fighters, they will cover their right fist with their left palm and jump out of camera screen (assuming you know they actually fly off into the sky).
12. The waiter of the inn (xiao-er) will always carry a kettle and a cloth on his shoulders, and always have a head-wear with many strings on top. Same goes for the accountant at the counter (zhang-gui) who will be an old man with beard and head-wear with strings.
13. When inside an inn, the waiter will ask the hero what food he wants, and the hero will say " Just any small dishes will do (shui bian lai dian xiao cai) ." And the waiter will always know what to do and go away without any more questions.
14. The heroes need not have to work for money, but will always have golds and silvers with them to pay for their dishes.
15.The waiter will always smile with utmost respect at the sight of gold and silver even though the money does not go to them.
16. The inn is such an up-to-date information-centre that when having lunch at the inn, you can always overhear people gossiping about the latest news on what's happening in the pugilistic-world. And usually the gossips come from a few goons at the next table.
17. There can never be peace at the inn so long as the hero is there - the bad guys at the next table will complain at the slow delivery of dishes and turn the table , threatening to kill the waiter...and it's time for the hero to show off his righteousness and most importantly, show off his skills.
18. The hero and the villain will fight at the inn with chop-sticks and bowls at first sitting down. And when the fighting gets hot, both will fly out of the window and start a big fight on the street. The by-standers on the streets will always crowd around and point fingers at the fighting with a bored and expressionless faces (mainly cause of bad acting on their part).
19. When asking to rent a room at the inn, often the accountant at the counter will reply that the rooms are fully booked, but there is still a small vacant room in a far corner. More often the hero will have to share the room with his cross-dressed buddy and the cross-dressed buddy will start to feel awkward.
20. The traders on the streets will always be selling the same things - cloths, candies, mask, puppets , buns.
21. And the people there seem to like bun so much that they carry it most of the time.
22. Girls are not afraid of peeping toms even though the walls and doors are partially made of paper.
23. Assasins seem to have some kind of agency for employments - they always wear the same standard uniform , black cloth all over revealing only the eyes.
24. The assassins seemed to have graduated from the same academy - when trying to assasinate someone inside the room, the assassin always use saliva and make a hole on the paper wall, then he will blow the sleeping gas with a pipe sticking through the hole. They also prefer stealing things from rooftops by opening a brick to reveal a hole and lowering a string to hook up things up.
25. People seem to be afraid of the rooftop so much that assassins always choose to escape by flying over roof-tops, and the hero will give up the chase.
26. The heroes and villains will meet each other very often no matter how big the country is and no matter where they are.
27. Impersonating someone is as easy as getting a face mask and faking the voice (whether male or female voice it'll still be easy)...and it will always be believable.
28. In the final duel with the hero, the villain will always boastfully reveal his list of victims, claiming that he wouldn't mind revealing since the hero is going to die.
29. It's easy to immobilize someone - just touch someone with your forefinger and middle finger anywhere on his body and he will be immobilized...but he can still curse and swear.
30. To cure an immobilization, just anyhow tap your fingers all over his body again.
31. Healing internal wounds in the body is as easy as sitting down cross-legged, palms on the knees and smoke coming out from the head.
32. People like to pass short messages on paper with flying darts to show off their darting skills.
33. When committing suicide, people are so lazy that they choose to hit the forehead with their own palm.
34. The Shaolin monks are so nosey that they always have something to do with the things happening in the pugilistic world.
35. The villains have some kind of strange habbit that they like to stay in a secret underground compartment just behind the walls of their room....usually opened up by turning a small statue.
36. When chasing someone, people tend to shout at the runner and order him to stop...as if he will obey.
37. Nobel's invention of explosives in 1866 is in fact useless. highly skilled people in the pugilistic world during ancient times already know how to cause explosions with barehands.
38. Highly skilled villains have the power to destroy rocks, but do not have the power to kill the hero.
39. Two highly skilled person are so nervous in their duel that they keep talking and criticizing each other before they actually start the fight.
40. Anyone who has lost their parents or siblings years ago will definately have a reunion.
41. People in the pugilistic world are so free that they don't have to work. They attend gatherings, meetings everytime and nose around other people's matters.
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haha so true
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11-16-2002 07:46 AM
but i don think it should be in joke forum...^^;;
