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-- Song I wrote. PLZZZZ tell me wat u think (https://www.jusunlee.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=11392)

Song I wrote. PLZZZZ tell me wat u think

this is my first song that ive written. please comments. either good or bad.

[1st verse]

time is up and its never comin back,
its the courage that i needed which i never really lacked.
"Fear" was the word the i never really learned
ur unique girl, something to be earned.
ur beauty activated and attracted me too,
attracted me because you were one of the few
wonders of the earth that u can't find,
not a secret why your name just released my mind.
the still required valor came to me at last,
too slow for u, still waitin on the past.
now u speak of him, like u guys were meant to be,
all this time i was prayin that you would only see.
the gifts that were offered to you that were from me.
to celebrate a jubilee with you was my dream.
everyone would say, "what a lovely team"
wenever we speak, its like a melodic theme,
stay so mellow and never built up steam.
times of sharing our troubles and connections,
softened my heart and exposed my affections.
ur beauty showed me the right direction,
now theres less mistakes and less corrections.
my feelings for you led to this lyrical storm,
writing and bout a girl aint part of the norm,
my verses isnt fiction, they never misinform,
hear this song girl, let it keep u warm.

[2nd verse]

yo listen to this, and dont be like me,
so blinded by the past and i never got to see
all i had to do was simply open the door,
but then i got so scared and shivered down to the floor,
can't take no more, the way i just ignore,
emotions want to get out, to go and explore,
see the results if id try to adore
wish i can go back, back to before
listen to me please, this is what i implore.
all u lucky guys, just let ur love outpour,
release all your lovin, till u cant love no more.
the love u be getting u cant find at the store.
u see the deal with me, the reason im all alone,
so shocked by ur beauty, it put me through a dead zone.
u remember all my poems? do you remember them well?
can even you comprehend all the stories they tell?
my emotions impel 'em, which caused me to excel [then]
the rhymes just kept on piling up and then i expel them
from my mind to the pen to the paper and then here
to this song that u hearin then u notice its all clear
for 3 months i was feelin u and then one night we're
dancin the night away but ur boat just steered clear
from me, from this place, u went to disappear.
it hurt me badly, the pain was so severe.
u remember that sunday?, the thing i forgot to tell
here goes, Godspeed, good luck and farewell.

[3rd verse]

this song is almost over did u get the message yet?
i wrote this song for you, an effort i wont regret.
hope u do the same, cuz i know i wont forget,
the first time i saw u, the first day we met.
saw you once a week, twice with some good luck,
3 times a week? and im like wtf.
something must be wrong, i kno where u belong
it cant be with me, cuz ur just so strong.
for someone so small you can stand out in the crowd
someone who can whisper and the same time be loud.
all the things i say, i just gotta be proud
expressing all my feelings have never been allowed.
just announce me dead, im covered with a shroud
6 feet under, lookin up at the clouds.
tears comin down cuz i know im too late,
cant do nothing, its a fact thats my fate.
my stupid indecision lead to my heartache,
i know i wont smile cuz its too hard to fake
hiding all my feelings from u, was my mistake,
now im killing myself, burning up at the stake.
now i never see you, and i know ull only be
a girl so lovely, a missed opportunity.

i decided to not include a chorus/hook cuz its just a song that tells a story.

__________________


"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. " - Bruce Lee

ooo! thats good!! goooood song!

__________________
"People haven't time to learn anything. They buy things ready-made in stores. But since there are no stores where you can buy friends, people no longer have friends."

aww it's like so pretty... I feel so unspecial.. I wish I could have a sweet guy like you...

pretty long man, it flow pretty decent. not bad

thats a pretty lengthy song... the verses are very long... but i guess that makes up for the chorus and hook? im not much of a song writer... i wish i were... but i like it... good stuff keep it up...

__________________
Enter My Head!

you gonna record this song? i like the lyrics by the way ^^

__________________


http://www.mcjdragonz.com

http://www.dynamicvocalz.tk

http://www.streetmaderecordz.tk

quote:

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Originally posted by J-DraGoNz
you gonna record this song? i like the lyrics by the way ^^

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__________________


"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. " - Bruce Lee

good job buddy. sounds great . . . so far.

__________________
anger management problem.

oOo its sounds good! haa imma wait for the audio haha

nice did i already hear the the audio version? hmm don't rem but anyways good job write more

quote:

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Originally posted by niggoreanboi
nice did i already hear the the audio version? hmm don't rem but anyways good job write more

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__________________


"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. " - Bruce Lee

wDup AJ. I heard that song of yours, it's pretty hot man. Keep it up and I'll see you right up there with Fifty aka FERRARI bAbiE!!

__________________
One day you'll stop and ask me,
"Which is more important, me or
your life?" I'll say "my life," and
you'll turn and walk away, never
knowing that you are my life.