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17 ways women fail in bed

another joke from my cousin..


The 17 ways women fail in bed.


1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and
start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love sword as if
it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is
a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshipped and held
tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top(where your face
should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing
and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should
be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle.
3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show
your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that
he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.
4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried
away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut"
or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter
at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful
you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences.
5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face,
don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful
union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in
most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his
happiness.
6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked
to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does
not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If
you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without thieving
anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.
8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you
don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with
yourself as he rams away.
9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his
sheets and any ball bag drippage if you have misbehaved and not swallowed
everything.
10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are you
going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take your mouth
off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job,you should have gone
to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10
minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act
of union between two sexually aware and gifted human beings.
11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's
ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that
you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing.
12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a
spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you
expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and
we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some
effort into the act to show your appreciation.
13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can
satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion
that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real
man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from
her to keep your man really happy.
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes
your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it
looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice
sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man
would rather be shagging.
15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and
get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without
savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a
block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to
side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy
finale to fun and games.
16. IN GRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy
he has expended on making love to you - especially if
a) sex has lasted more than five minutes and/or
b) you managed to achieve an orgasm.

17. SEEKING FAVOURS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm
after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into
well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask: "Do you think I should buy
that dress, skirt/sofa/mercedes/country cottage?" There is a name for the
practice of mixing sex with material gain - "Prostitution."

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Recongizable

Re: 17 ways women fail in bed

quote:

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Originally posted by Nojeel
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes
your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it
looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice
sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man
would rather be shagging.

---

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www.unismuimui.tk

i really don't care though..and remember this is not my opinons!! haha

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their his "cousins" puahaha

funny stuff tho

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ni pour ni contre; ça m'est égal

"The weight of this sad time we must obey,/ Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say./ The oldest hath borne most; we that are young/ Shall never see so much, nor live so long."
King Lear (V.3.300-304)

quote:

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Originally posted by Crazydeb8ter
their his "cousins" puahaha

funny stuff tho

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haha, no victor go into chat and roll wit mee, hahaha....

i think all off is better, i dun think its good if its all hairy... its like damn its a fukin "beast!!" wuhts that a freakin hamster in there.... wuhtever hahaha

quote:

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Originally posted by Street RSX
haha, no victor go into chat and roll wit mee, hahaha....

i think all off is better, i dun think its good if its all hairy... its like damn its a fukin "beast!!" wuhts that a freakin hamster in there.... wuhtever hahaha

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o yea n while we're on this.... les talk sum fukin Jap.... Mangkko Dykko Dahp Ddah Ina this means.... eat pussi or sumthin.... hahahaha, this sik Jap taught me... he has tha nastiest mind

what are you doing around him... hahah

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it wuz couple years ago.... 3 or 2 i think.... this year i punched his face... he got bloodi nose n i got suspended... fair deal i guess, he wuz pissin me off, he asked out a korean gurl in mah school, so im like hell no *punch*....

quote:

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Originally posted by Street RSX
haha, no victor go into chat and roll wit mee, hahaha....

i think all off is better, i dun think its good if its all hairy... its like damn its a fukin "beast!!" wuhts that a freakin hamster in there.... wuhtever hahaha

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www.unismuimui.tk

its troo its kinda umm... i cant think of tha werd, nevermind... I'll come bak wen i think of tha werd

ahhaha remember scary movie? wid the chain saw? ^^;;;

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immagijibae: seons a hoeeeeeee, he wears them g-strings, and i also knowwwww, they hurt his dinga-lings~ la l alalala~ nanannan~ oh~ seons a hoeeeeee, he wears them g-strings..............
immagijibae: liiiiiiiiiiiiiike my new 1-minute-made-up song???????

quote:

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Originally posted by krnxswat
ahhaha remember scary movie? wid the chain saw? ^^;;;

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tha guy took off her panties and a huge bush popped out, n in it wus a whole bunch of birds or bats flyin out of it, haha, den tha guy took tha chainsaw n shaved it.... dat movie was gross buh funni

okay now men's turn

17 ways men fail in bed

lol okay someone else start

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I hate google cache.

haha... this is so funni and entertaining.

.funny.

Now lets see how many ways men fail in bed.

1) The Snake. When the guy atempted to preform oral on a girl, but ends up flickering their tounge in and out. Which equals no stimulation.
2)The Push. When a guy wants oral preformed on him, so he "hints" the girl with a push or nudge toward the crotch.
-__-;; Im too lazy to type more.. To be continued.

quote:

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Originally posted by PornStar
.funny.

Now lets see how many ways men fail in bed.

1) The Snake. When the guy atempted to preform oral on a girl, but ends up flickering their tounge in and out. Which equals no stimulation.
2)The Push. When a guy wants oral preformed on him, so he "hints" the girl with a push or nudge toward the crotch.
-__-;; Im too lazy to type more.. To be continued.

---

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www.unismuimui.tk

oh okay i thought of one

3) Machine Gun. They just start off pumping away back there.. down there.. wutever ......lol like a machine gun firing bullets.. jeez man.. slow down..... ease into it damn it.... we're not holes in the wall where you can just stick it in and pleasure yourself.


lmao....

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I hate google cache.