zandd.com: HE SAID: Korean girls, I love them and I love to hate them. I mean how can they be so fine (in some cases), and yet such pains in the buttocks. It is one of the eternal mysteries, as baffling as the pyramids of Egypt; either that, or us guys are really dumb. After all these years of watching, arguing, observing, arguing, dating, and arguing, I think that I have Korean girls figured out, and they all break down into a few distinct categories. Now I know in this day and age of political correctness that generalizations are frowned upon. Well, that just makes this all the better.

Let me start with the category that I like to define as the "LAND MINES OF CLUBBING". The culprit is a strobelight honey with the contributing factors being the one or ten drinks that pushed you past sobriety. With your twelfth shot of Chivas in hand, you see her on the dance floor, her hair and eyes shimmering underneath the fluorescent lights. You know she is a rare beauty, and when you talk to her, every word from her lips is witty and amusing. It is utter bliss...up until the next day when the alcohol induced hazy cloud is lifted from your mind to reveal a horrific beast who enjoys collecting ear wax for fun. You can only hope that not too many people saw you the night before.

Ever notice those groups of hoody guys who walk in packs of six or seven trying to intimidate the little old ladies who walk down the street? Well, if you look close enough, one or two of those guys are actually girls, but you could never really tell at a glance through the low-rider, wide-leg jeans, sleeveless flannel shirt, and hooded sweat-shirts. These girls I like to categorize as "GIRLS IN DA HOOD", or "Hoodies", for short. These chicks at times can be jiggy to hang out with since it is like hanging with the guys. They are low maintenance, comfortable, and know how to shoot pool. In most cases, a girl who can handle a stick would be quite appealing, but let's be real here. If I wanted to date someone who wears low-rider, wide-leg jeans, hangs out with the guys, and shoots pool, then I might as well have dated myself. It would be cheaper that way. The prognosis for this category? Hanging out: Good. Dating: Bad.

Perhaps the most dangerous category is one that I refer to as "A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING". You are sitting at church through either a discussion or some sort of interaction, and you see that cute girl who is wearing a nice conservative outfit and just enough make-up so that it is not noticeable. She is talking about how she loves coming to church and living a Christian life. She almost looks angelic and being near her makes you feel like a better person as your intentions towards her are pure and sincere. Everything is great until you find out that her intentions toward you are not all that pure. Once outside the confines of church, she undergoes a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde type metamorphosis revealing tight leather pants, an alcohol addiction, promiscuity, and complete reckless abandon. This would not necessarily be something to complain about, except that when word of her ways reaches church, you are surely to blame for her "corruption." Being the center of church gossip is not an enviable place to be, and that's what ruins an otherwise racy and exciting possibility.

That is by no means the only type of girl to be encountered at church. There are those cute, angelic girls who truly are devoted to the worship of God and in every way practice Christianity in their actions through courtesy and a genuine concern for others. These are known as "DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL". Just being with her elevates your reputation, but even this sort of spiritual benevolence does not come without a price. You start to feel restrictions within yourself, growing more and more self-conscious about your misdemeanors. It grows to a point where cursing in front of her makes you cringe and watching a movie with sexual content becomes as painfully awkward as watching one with your parents. Soon, she ceases to be a girlfriend and becomes more of a second conscience of morality. And no matter how good her intentions are, the inability to spread your symbolic "wings" as a man is just too high a price to pay. It is bad enough that you have to remember to leave the toilet seat down, but to stop swearing and watching movies with gratuitous sex and violence...come on. No one ever said that you had to stop living.

Alright boys, hold on to your wallet because that is where this one is going to hurt. The next category is the classic. The one stereotype of Korean women that precedes all others. I need only say G.D. (GOLD DIGGER). Those two letters send shivers through my checkbook. You can spot them a mile away as they are decked out in their tight, black, Euro-wannabe pants, D&G shirt, Chanel earrings, and Prada bag draped neatly over their shoulder. They show up at bars and clubs with no money and the agenda of finding some wealthy unsuspecting sap to support their financial desires for the evening. In many cases, they latch on to these fountains of loot, milking the sucker for expensive gifts and favors. Just say no to this. Let me break this down to the bare facts. Spend ridiculously high sums of money and in return receive companionship and play? I don't know but about the rest of the world, but in this country, paying for play gets you jail time.

I am not saying that all the Korean girls of the world fit these molds, but the others will get no airplay from me. Especially those bitter man-haters who bash males and say the world is better off without them. I would like to take this opportunity to remind those bitter, angry, disgruntled, misguided female souls that without a certain contribution from us guys, there would be no world at all. How having difficulty getting a date for Friday night translates into Male-Bashers, I have no idea. On a closing note, if you can find your perfect girl out of these genres, then drop me a line and let me know how. We can exchange information. You can tell me how you did it, and I can tell you the phone number of a good psychiatrist who will be able to counsel you through the hell of dating Korean girls.

SHE SAID: Guys. We can't live with them, we can't live without them. Therefore, we date them. When we need one around, we can just go pick up a guy at whatever social location we like to hang at. When we get sick of them, we drop them. Pretty easy system, huh? Only problem is, which guy do we hit on? Do we hit on the short, but muscular guy? Or how about the one with the intelligent look? Maybe the one who's playing hard to get? There are so many choices for us girls to choose from these days. What is a girl to do?

With all the stereotypes in society today, I guess it's only natural for us to stereotype the guys we date. They can range from the skateboard junkie to the clean cut, and we either date one kind or we date all of them. With all this in mind, I have formed a list of some of the stereotypes that we girls date. Though they might not be the most flattering, they are as we see them.

1) Kang Peh Wannabe - This is a guy who walks like a kang peh, talks like a kang peh, dresses like a kang peh, and acts like a kang peh, but on the inside, he's really an insecure loser. For some reason, many girls find this exterior image attractive and hit on the guy, with no regard for the loser that's actually inside. They date him for the attention that they might get for going with a kang peh, since they all are reputed to be punks. No one has to know that he's really a loser, and if someone finds out, no problem. Just act like it's the biggest surprise in the world, confront him about his "betrayal," have a huge fight, and break up. Easy as pie. Then, there are the girls who know that the insecure loser is inside, so they date him because they want to "reform" him. It's like their good deed for the week or something. Plus, in dating him to "reform" him, they get all the pleasure of receiving attention for going with a kang peh. The best of both worlds. Whatever the case may be, this type of guy is pretty popular.

2) "He's got no body, he's not that attractive, and he's really not that smart, but he's tall so I'll take him." - Height, as all Asians know, is an important feature. If a guy is at least 5'11", he's already ahead of the game. Girls will notice him because he's so tall. No matter that he may be the ugliest guy in the world, or that he may be the worst dresser. If he's got height, he'll get noticed. He may not get hit on, but he'll definitely get noticed. Sometimes height even makes the guy seem more attractive, and they will get hit on. I've seen it happen. That's how powerful this feature is.

3) "I'm tough, but if you get to know me, I'm a real softie." - These guys attract many girls, for girls readily fall for this type. Of course, the case is not true 50% of the time; it's merely a cover-up to attract girls, but females still fall prey to this species. I can only guess that it has something to do with our sensitive side. We really can't reject the "rough on the outside, soft on the inside" image. Besides the fact that we want to find the "softie," the image is sexy. The bad boy who wants to find the little boy inside him. It's practically irresistible. We can't ignore it. It's like a magnet.

4) FOB - This means...well, I'm sure you all know what it means. I don't get these guys. They walk around in their tight clothes, talking on their cell phones, and driving their $60,000 cars like they own the world. All they do is spend money that their parents made and it somehow seems to make them think that they are better than all the rest of us. They practically alienate anyone who is not their nationality. What's even more mystifying is the fact that we girls date them. What's wrong with us? Don't we see what they are really like? The answer to that is, "Of course we know what they are really like. We just like the fact that they spend tons of money on us, and we like riding in the car."

5) FOB Wannabe - These kinds of guys are ten times worse than the actual FOB. These are the guys who have no personality, so to make themselves look and feel good, they imitate FOBs, thinking that it's the only way to go. The only difference, most of the time, is that they don't have half the money that the actual FOB has. Yet, we still date these guys, too. They don't have the car and they don't have the money. So why do we date them? Well, it's because they are damn good dressers. Every girl wants to be seen with a guy who can dress with style, and as hard for me to say this is, I have to admit that many FOBs, or FOB wannabes, know how to dress, and they know how to dress good.

There's my list of some of the stereotypes that we girls have of the guys that we date. I'm sure many of you are wondering why I didn't mention any of the things that really matter in relationships, like personality and intelligence. Well, that's because the first thing that we girls look for, no matter how hard we deny it, is looks. It's the truth, and nothing but the truth. There are no girls in this day and age who go out and look for a guy with personality. That just doesn't happen. We always look to see if he's good-looking, or has a nice body, or some other attractive physical feature first. Then we think about the personality. It's true, and all you girls know it. Hey, even I admitted it after several years of denial. So, with all this out of the way and in the open, let's go get dressed, get made up, and go pick up some guys! See you all next month!

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